You Need to be a Friend

and 3 ways to be the girl your friend needs

“Marilla,” [Anne] demanded presently, “do you think that I shall ever have a bosom friend in Avonlea?”

“A—a what kind of friend?”

“A bosom friend—an intimate friend, you know—a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my innermost soul. I’ve dreamed of meeting her all my life.”

Many girls daydream with Anne of Green Gables about meeting this bosom friend, but unlike Anne, most can’t seem to find her.

When a Diana finally seems to step into the pages of our life, she quickly disappoints us – we find her laughing with another girl, we get in a fight, or she moves to a new city.

We want just one friend who will stick with us, listen to us, and stop annoying us. And while there is nothing wrong with longing for a loyal friend, the truth is that every girl needs a faithful friend. You are called to be that friend for others.

Listen to how this truth changed one girl’s life:

[Suzy Weibel] was speaking at a youth event once where a girl came up to her desperate for friends. This girl truly seemed to be the target of mean girls. Suzy consoled her that her best friend, other than Jesus, might just be a good book or a furry four-legged creature. But she also challenged her to stop wanting someone to befriend her and to start looking for someone to befriend. A few weeks later, the girl emailed Suzy saying:

“I took your advice. I reached out to a girl who sits alone at lunch each day. She’s actually pretty cool. We’re becoming fast friends. Turns out she needed a friend, and I just needed to be one.”

Want some good truth about friendship? The truth is that you are called to be a true friend to others in need and to experience friendship with Christ

~ Lies Young Women Believe, p. 116

Embracing these truths won’t guarantee you’ll instantly find your “kindred spirit.” It’s not a fool-proof method to secure a “bosom friend.” But, if you focus on being a friend rather than gaining a friend, you will find real fulfillment, and you’ll be practicing for success in the relationships that God does choose to bless you with.

Here are three ways to love people and start becoming the girl your friends need.

Be Patient

Real friendship takes time.

While social media deceives us into thinking that friendship can develop with the click of a button and deepen with a thumbs up every couple days, it’s not true and we know it. The best friend is the one who sticks with you through time and distance, who waits while you wrestle through difficulties, and is there cheering for you on the other side of your valley.

Don’t pack your bags because she didn’t pour her heart out at your first sleep-over. A good friend is patient when the relationship doesn’t go as deep as you dreamed as quick as you wished.

Don’t give up hope when your BFF starts to struggle and pulls away. Instead, trust her to God and wait for her to make it through, praying for the day when you can fight battles together once again.

Practice patience when she shares every detail of her life – even when she literally shares every detail.

Don’t get frustrated when it takes her longer to mature and grow than you.

The easiest thing to do when our friendships go through tough seasons is forget, ignore, and move on. But these are our friends and we are their friends. They need us to exercise patience and trust God to bring us through all these things. And I need them to do the same for me.

Admit When You’re Wrong & Forgive

Earlier this year our church worship team decided to start meeting at 9:00 am for our soundcheck. A couple of people from the team showed up late – 15 minutes late – for about three months in a row. They never apologized and I wondered why they didn’t at least make up an excuse for their lateness.

As the weeks went on the bitterness in my heart towards them grew until finally, God convicted me. My friends weren’t the only ones at fault, I was sinning against them by holding unforgiveness in my heart. When I finally talked to them about it, I found out they thought the practice was still at 9:15 and wondered why I was always angry at them!

It was a simple miscommunication, but because I let it fester for months our relationship suffered.

Confess when you’ve failed at your part in the relationship (James 5:16). And offer forgiveness when your friends sin against you. Both when they graciously confess their sin, and when they don’t.

Pray for them

Pray with your friend when she tells you she has a hard test coming up. Pray together when her family is going through a crisis. Pray with her when she has questions and doesn’t know what to do.

And then don’t go home and forget. Pray for your friend when you wake up, and when you walk your dog, and when you do your chores.

Pray more earnestly when your friendship seems hopeless. Bring that person to Jesus and trust Jesus – not your prayers, not their response, but Jesus – to restore your friend.

Often, it feels like prayer is the least effective way to be a friend, especially when it’s done in secret. But God hears. “Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.” (1 John 5:14).

The Truth is We Need to be Friends

Stop waiting for the popular girl to reach out to you. Stop believing the lie that you need a bosom friend to be happy.

Instead, find your satisfaction and friendship in Jesus, and be a friend to someone else who needs you.

Pray for the relationships God has given you.

Be patient with friends who are struggling, who grow slowly, or who annoy you.

And when God does give you friends, be humble. Admit when you fail them and forgive them when they fail you. Don’t let little things steal from you the greater joy of loving them as Christ loved you.

The truth is we need to be friends.

 

+ + + 

 

• Do you have any tips for being a good friend? 
• What do you find hardest about friendship?