Why I Don’t Pray for My Future Husband

I have a confession to make; I don’t pray for my future husband.

Yes I’ve read all the articles and listened to all the testimonies about the benefits and blessings of praying for this special person. If you’re a christian girl I’m guessing you’ve hear them too.

During my early teens I did pray on and off for my future husband. But over the years I began to question this practice.

“How can I pray boldly when I don’t know what God wants to do with my future?”

“If it’s possible I’ll be single my whole life, should I still pray?”

Thoughts like this dampened my consistency and I struggled to pray for a nameless man who would supposedly show up one day in the future. I began to ask God for clarity on how to pray for this man.

As I wrestled through this issue, God did bring clarity and taught me a few things that have been so helpful in thinking through whether to pray for my future husband or not.

First of all, praying for your future husband is NOT a bad idea.

Statistically most of us will get married. Because of this, most girls who pray for their future husband will be praying for a very real, living person who does need prayer!

I’ve heard so many stories from married couples who prayed for each other before they ever met. They testify that it was such a blessing to find out their spouse had been praying all those years. They clearly saw God work in each other’s lives in direct response to those prayers.

I’ve also heard stories from single guys and girls who pray for their future spouse and say it has strengthened them in their fight for purity, driven them to the feet of Jesus, and deepened their trust and hope in Christ.

I not trying to communicate that the practice of praying for your future spouse is sinful, or unfruitful. I truly believe that God lays this burden on many hearts and uses the prayers of these people to work out powerful, wonderful love stories.

However we need to be aware of a couple potential snares. 

First, praying about a future relationship can breed discontentment in our hearts. It can cause us to long for this man and live in the future rather than being content in Christ and living our single years to the fullest for the glory of God.

Second, it can become a distraction. I found that praying for my future husband would easily morph into daydreaming about my future. My prayer time was eaten up by distraction and I caught myself constantly thinking about this man throughout the day, distracting me from the tasks at hand.

After much thought and prayer I decided that keeping my focus on Christ and remaining happy in Him was far more important than praying regularly for my “future husband.” I knew that in order to keep my heart fixed on Jesus I needed to stop praying for an unknown husband.

Since making that decision I have prayed for this man on occasion. But it’s not a regular prayer item.

I challenge you to consider; is the practice of praying for your future husband helpful for you at this point in your life?

Is it something that God has place on your heart? Can you see positive fruit in your own life from your prayers? As I said in my first point, praying for him can be a blessing.

But carefully consider; has it become a distraction or a thief of your joy? If God hasn’t given you a burden for this, if you are just praying for him because it’s the “christian thing to do” I encourage you to take a break.

I love what Candice Watters said on Revive Our Hearts about this topic:

“God’s leading in our prayer life is individualized. Each of us is unique and His work in us differs from person to person. That’s not to say you can’t pray for a godly husband who meets the requirements of the “husband verses.” I think you should. But I also think you should ask God to show you how to pray given your story and this particular moment in history.”

For me that means praying for other men in my life, and for my own relationship with Christ instead of my future husband.

Pray for the men in your life

The typical things girls pray for their future husband are really things that we could pray for all of the men in our life. Our unmarried brothers in Christ need to become godly leaders, our physical brothers need to stand strong against cultural pressure and fight temptation, our Dads need to grow deeper in their relationship with Christ and they need wisdom at their jobs.

We love these men. We know their needs personally and have a fairly clear understanding of what God wants to do in their lives. Because of this we can pray with confidence and boldness for that will to be accomplished. It’s not just your future husband that needs your prayers. Today’s generation of men, the future husbands (and current husbands) of your sisters around the world need prayer.

Pray for your personal relationship with the Lord

Because I found myself easily distracted and discontented while praying for my future husband, I now vigorously pray for focus on and increasing fulfilment in Christ. I ask for a vibrant prayer life, for fruitful time in the Scripture, for love towards my family and a servant heart towards my friends.

Who knows, one day I might take up praying for my future husband with passion and confidence. But for now, God hasn’t put that burden on my heart. I encourage you to seek God’s heart, that you also might know how to pray during this specific season of your life. So that whether you pray for your future husband or not, your prayers will draw you into deeper fellowship with Christ, rather than becoming a distraction.

Do you pray for your future husband? Why or why not? Let me know in the comment section!