My Secret to Remaining Satisfied and Single

I’m 20, single, and want to get married. Yet, I’m completely happy and perfectly satisfied.

But I wasn’t always content with my relationship status. I remember wrestling with God and scripture about my singleness because I really wanted a boyfriend. I wanted a love story.

We live in a culture that believes sexual relationships (regardless of how you define them) are the key to happiness. Movies, media, and music all teach that our worth is measured by other people’s approval and love. So, many young people jump from one relationship to another, trying to find lasting love, acceptance, and more fulfilling relationships. We want to be happy and we want to be loved.

In order to keep their own young people from following culture’s moral degradation, youth groups and parents have emphasized God’s good design and pattern for romance. We are told that there is nothing wrong with wanting love, but God’s pattern for love is one man and one woman in marriage.

Putting the pieces together, many Christian singles have, without realizing it, come to believe that happiness and fulfilment are ultimately found in marriage.

No wonder we struggle to stay happy and single!

So how did I go from struggling to satisfied with singleness?

In the middle of my wrestling with God, He whispered a key secret to satisfaction in my ear that has sustained me over the past several years.

Katie, you already have a love story. Am I not better to you than a boyfriend?

Reality, not Cliche

I know my secret sounds extremely cliche. But before you roll your eyes and stop reading give me a chance to strip this idea of it’s triteness.

First, a relationship with Christ is a real relationship involving real emotions, conversations, gifts, time, and secrets. While it may not be physical, it’s not just a hypothetical or whimsical idea we talk about to make ourselves feel better when we don’t have a boyfriend. Just like physical relationships, relationship with Christ is meant to be fun, enjoyable, and fulfilling. Jesus told us to love the LORD our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. (Mark 12:30) To love with all our heart and soul involves emotion! God wants us to actually feel love for Him.

Second, we will actually see Jesus face to face one day. “For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face” (1 Cor 13:12). We will gaze into His eyes blazing with fire (Rev 19:12) and see the strength of His arms (Is 51:9). We will listen in awe as He speaks to the nations with a voice like rushing waters (Rev 1:15), and lean in as He speaks to us with a gentle voice (1 Kings 19:12). We will sit at His side and eat and drink together at our marriage feast (Rev 19:9).

Dream about this when you find yourself longing for a boyfriend or husband. And don’t be afraid of dreaming big, fairytale dreams.

“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.” (1 Corinthians 2:9)

Even your wildest dreams will pale in comparison to what God has prepared for you. So dream big and dream often. You won’t be disappointed.

Real Happiness is Found in Jesus

While the church has done a fantastic job teaching young people about the beauty of marriage and God’s sacred pattern for it, we often fail to give singles the answer to their longings.

The world is teaching that happiness is found in self-pleasing relationships.

Meanwhile the church is teaching principles of purity rather than teaching that happiness is found in self-denying, Christ-exulting relationship.

It’s true that happiness is found in relationship. But it’s a lie that lasting happiness is found in any romantic relationship, within or outside of marriage.

It’s true that our worth is measured by outside approval and love. But it’s a lie that ever-changing humans are the measuring stick.

Our happiness can only be found in relationship with Jesus Christ. Our approval and love are only measured by Christ’s powerful grace in our lives.

God’s design for marriage is good and beautiful, but not because “waiting for marriage” makes us happier. Rather, God’s design for marriage is good and beautiful because it reflects a greater reality that makes us infinitely happy; the reality of our love story with Jesus Christ.

If we really got this, that happiness is found in relationship with Christ, that our worth is found in God’s approval and love, that marriage is only a picture of a greater love story, then we wouldn’t need marriage to fulfill and satisfy us.

The secret

My secret to staying satisfied as a single girl is choosing to believe that God is better than any relationship this world can offer.

I’m not perfect, and I do lose sight of this incredible reality from time to time. But in those moments I actively remind myself that I’m not missing out on a huge slice of the happiness pie because I don’t have a boyfriend. I have Jesus, and Jesus is better than a husband.

Christian single girls, we need to invest in our relationship with Jesus! We need to have conversations with Him about everything. We need to listen to His voice and thank Him for His gifts. We need to gaze upon His beauty and think about His love.

Jesus is better, we aren’t missing out!