Is Crushing on a Boy Sin? 

I did a google search for the definition of a crush and found everything from completely logical explanations; “to press or squeeze with a force that destroys” to amusing and all to relatable ones; “Someone who makes you want to kill yourself and them because they are way too cute and beautiful to be yours. So you just sitthere and eat cheeseburgers with tears streaming down your face.” 

Eventually, I found a definition that sums up what most of us mean by the term “crush.”

 

“A burning desire to be with someone who you find very attractive and extremely special.”

~ urbandictionary.com

 

Maybe it’s overly simplistic, but that phrase “burning desire” is at the core of every crush. A crush is a burning desire to be with someone, to think about someone, to know someone, to have that someone love you, talk to you, or at least look at you. 

For Christian girls, crushes are especially confusing. Church culture often makes us feel like being attracted to anyone who you won’t marry is a sin, while our friends at school brag about their new crush every week. 

So is it sin to have a crush?

To answer this question let’s break down what a crush is and how it happens. 

As I explain in my booklet, desire is always the result of thinking about, looking at, or listening to something with pleasure. We don’t instantly crush on a guy the moment we see him. A crush always starts with attraction, and we can be instantly attracted to a guy, and then gradually develops if we continue to think about this guy long enough.

Imagine you’re at the beach when a kid walks by holding a triple scoop ice cream cone. Immediately you’re thinking about ice cream. And if you continue to think about that waffle cone, mentally savoring the rich, chocolate fudge and refreshing, creamy liquid, you’ll eventually find yourself standing in line at the ice cream truck, diet buried deep in the sand.

The same thing happens when we see a good looking guy and decide to continue thinking about him. Eventually, we find ourselves crushing hard. 

Attraction isn’t sin

God created men and women to be attracted to each other. He made beautiful things and gave us eyes to see beauty, and hearts that love beauty.  

Even the authors of the Bible recognized physical beauty. The Bible says of Saul, “There was not a more handsome person … among the children of Israel. From his shoulders upward he was taller than any of the people.” (1 Sam. 9:2).  It notes that Rachel was “beautiful of form and appearance” (Gen 29:17) and Esther “lovely and beautiful.” (Esth. 2:7) David also is described as “a skillful musician, a mighty man of valor, a warrior, one prudent in speech, and a handsome man.” (1 Sam 16:18)

It’s not sin to recognize beauty or strength. It’s not wrong to think a guy is cute, handsome, funny, or sweet.

Obsession

A crush isn’t just an attraction to physical beauty or personality though. It’s a burning desire to be with someone, fuelled by obsessive thoughts about that person.

Remember our ice cream illustration? You don’t just notice that the ice cream is delicious. You start thinking about the ice cream, dreaming about how it would taste until you want ice cream even though you know you shouldn’t have it.

We’ve all noticed cute guys that never became crushes. The boys we crush on are the ones we notice and then keep thinking about, imagining what we would say if they texted us and how a date together would turn out.

It’s not wrong to notice he’s cute but is it wrong to constantly think about him when we aren’t even together?

The Bible gives some direction for our thoughts in Philippians: 

“Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy – meditate on these things.” (Phil. 4:8)

 

Let’s run our guy obsession through this verse:

• Sure it’s true that he’s cute. But are the dreams of coffee dates and long conversations true?
• Are your thoughts about this crush noble – honourable and worthy of respect – towards God and this guy? 
• Are your thoughts pure? 
• Would you feel comfortable telling anyone your thoughts towards this guy?
• Are your thoughts virtuous – are they morally excellent? 

If our thoughts cross the line of admiration into unhealthy obsession it’s sin. In many cases, it could even be labeled as lust. Jesus said “that whoever looks at a woman [or man] to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Mat. 5:28) The word translated “lust” here can also be translated as “desire.” Sound familiar? Whoever looks at a man with a burning desire to be with him has committed adultery with him in her heart.  

However, we need to distinguish between temptation and sin

Something happens between our noticing a cute guy (which isn’t sin) and our obsessing over him (which is sin). The temptation to obsess. 

You see the cute boy and your mind wants to dwell on him, obsessing over him. That is not sin – it’s temptation. You can’t stop temptation from coming, but you can choose how to respond. 

In our moment of temptation, we have a choice. We can choose to ignore the conviction of God’s spirit and go on dreaming and obsessing. Or we can ask the Lord for help and choose to stop dwelling on those tempting thoughts. 

For help fighting temptation I’d highly recommend reading “Memorize Scripture to Fight Sin.”

What to do with our crushes

God created us as beautiful creatures. He created us with eyes and emotions so that we could love and appreciate beauty in creation and in each other. Attraction isn’t bad. It’s a God-given emotion that recognizes how God created men and women beautifully in His image and perfectly suited for each other. 

But we live in a fallen world where our own flesh and the devil constantly try to tempt us to make gods out of creation and to desire the perfect gift more than the perfect Giver. Temptation is part of being human.

I’m not writing this because I’m perfect. I’m writing this because I’ve failed too and experienced God’s forgiveness and redemption when I’ve confessed my sin as sin. 

If you’re struggling with a crush, surrender him to the Lord. If you’re living in bondage to sinful thought patterns, admit your sin to God and ask Him for strength to live in freedom. Repent of your selfishness and begin asking the Lord to help you show honour to your brothers in your thoughts towards them.

God has made a way through the cross, that “if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)