Ezer Part 2 – Inspiring Guys Above Mediocrity

In this article we looked at how God made women to reflect a key characteristic of His nature – helper. But how do we practically “help” guys on a daily basis? 

Deborah

Deborah, an Israelite woman and wife, knew what it meant to reflect the character of God as a helper.

Deborah was a prophetess, which means God spoke to her and gave her messages to pass on to His people. During this time, Jabin, king of the Canaanites, oppressed Israel because of their sin. Until one day God gave Deborah a message for a man named Barak. 

Deborah sent and called Barak from his city, Kedesh, and said to him, “Has not the LORD God of Israel commanded, ‘Go and deploy troops at Mount Tabor; take with you ten thousand men of the sons of Naphtali and of the sons of Zebulun; and against you I will deploy Sisera, the commander of Jabin’s army, with his chariots and his multitude at the River Kishon; and I will deliver him into your hand’?” 

And Barak said to her, “If you will go with me, then I will go; but if you will not go with me, I will not go!”

So she said, “I will surely go with you.”

Then Barak called 10,000 men to meet him at Kedesh, and Deborah went with him. 

And Sisera, the commander of the Canaanite army, gathered a huge army with 900 chariots of iron to come against Israel. 

Then Deborah said to Barak, “Up! For this is the day in which the LORD has delivered Sisera into your hand. Has not the LORD gone out before you?” 

So Barak went down to battle against Sisera with his ten thousand men. And the LORD brought about a great victory for Barak and Israel, not a man of Sisera’s army was left. 

(Taken from Judges 4:1-16)

Men were not leading, Israel was living in defeat, until a woman arose with a vision, encouraged a man to take leadership and went with him. (see Judges 5:6-7)

Catch a vision for more

What’s your impression of today’s young men? Eric Ludy interviewed some girls on this topic who, I think, spoke for most of us saying:

“Simply put … guys are jerks!”

“I guess guys will always be guys. That’s disgusting, but that’s the way they are!”

While it may be true that the majority of young men today are jerks, is this God’s design? Does God intend them to just “always be guys”? Absolutely not. God has a much higher plan and purpose for His men.

Just as women are created to reflect the image of God so are men. God created them to mirror the masculinity of Christ as pursuers, leaders, providers. He called them to possess authoritative strength mixed with gentle compassion.

However today’s men often fall far short of Christ’s incredible example. One of the primary ways we can help our brothers, dads and guy friends exchange their mediocrity for Christ’s character is by exchanging our hopelessness for God’s extraordinary vision.  

As Eric Ludy explains, “young men desire to be ‘normal.’ Whatever our culture defines as normal behaviour can very quickly become our manly pursuit.” If we girls expect our brothers to become “jerks,” they will rise to our low expectations. But if we set our expectation higher, if we begin to view the manhood of Christ as normal and place that vision before our brothers, then they just might pursue heaven’s version of masculinity.

Remember Deborah? When God gave her the command for Barak she didn’t balk because all of Israel’s men were living in fear and apathy. Rather, she called Barak and placed before him the vision the Lord gave her.

If we want men to rise to something higher, we need to first believe God wants to work through His men. If Deborah didn’t believed God wanted to work through Barak, Israel may never have been led out of captivity. The first way we help guys is by catching God’s vision for their lives. 

Encourage 

Once Deborah knew what God wanted to do through Barak, she didn’t sit under her palm tree and wait to see it happen. She encouraged Barak to step out and obey God. Then when Barak was loosing courage in the face of the Canaanite army, Deborah again encouraged him saying, “Up! For this is the day in which the Lord has delivered Sisera into your hand. Has not the Lord gone out before you?” 

Don’t sit back and wait for the guys in your life to catch God’s vision. They need you to encourage them!

What does it mean to encourage a guy towards godliness? Most of our feminine minds translate “encourage” as “tell them how they should act.” However, men don’t usually respond well to a women telling them what to do.

“Guys are changed by women who understand them. Guys are never changed by pressure and nagging. The art of guy-nudging is knowing how to make a man feel understood and appreciated for who he is. And remember, guy-nudging must be done undercover. If a guy sniffs out that you are trying to change him, he can tend to get rather stubborn. So, while disguised as a wallflower, assist him in taking steps forward by creating an unpressured atmosphere in which he will feel comfortable taking those new and terrifying steps. If a man’s dignity is protected and if he feels like the decision to take the step forward is his decision, then it is amazing how many a young man will dip his toe into new waters. A poet’s qualities can’t be forced upon a guy, but through the gentle nudges of a Christlike princess, he will be inspired toward new heights he never knew existed.” – Eric Ludy, Authentic Beauty

Here are a few practical ways to “nudge” or encourage Christ-like masculinity in men:

• When a guy does something well or something you appreciate, tell him. Does your Dad mow the lawn, or BBQ a great meal? Let him know you appreciate it.
• Be rescuable. Let guys open doors for you. Let them carry and move heavy things. Let them buy you coffee. If we continually reject help, guys will eventually stop offering it. Accepting a guy’s help doesn’t mean we can’t do it. It’s lets them practice being men. 
• Be an inspiration. Live out the kind of womanhood that inspires men to protect it. Live a life that is an example of Christ. 

Stand by Them

Our calling to help men doesn’t end once a guy takes that first step. Imagine if Deborah had caught the vision and encouraged Barak to step up to it but never went with him. Encouragement goes beyond challenging men to a higher standard. It involves being there every step of the way to spur them on and to get them back up when they fall. 

We don’t know exactly what Deborah did when she went with Barak to Kedesh. But the Bible doesn’t mention her fighting in the battle, strategizing or recruiting. It says Barak called the troops together, Barak went out to war, Barak pursued Sisera. So where was Deborah? What was she doing? Why did she even go with him? 

The only thing the Bible tells us is that Deborah went with Barak to Kedesh and encouraged him. 

When Sisera gathered his 900 chariots and large army, Deborah was right there reminding Barak of God’s promise to fight for them.

When guys take a step in the right direction we need to stick with them and continue to encourage. When they fall down we need to remind them not to give up. 

Don’t get Discouraged

When God first showed me His version of masculinity, I felt completely helpless to help the immature guys around me and often got discouraged by their lack of growth. 

But as I prayed for these guys, and sought to become a woman who loved the Lord, God did grow and mature some of them. Others exited my life and God replaced them with new friends who demonstrate the masculinity of Christ. 

Don’t lose heart when guys don’t immediately respond to your nudging. Encourage every step towards the vision and stand by them. Believe that as God has called men to Christ-like masculinity He will work it out in their lives.

 

* For more on this topic I highly recommend reading Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy.