God blessed me with an incredible group of friends growing up who genuinely loved each other. Sure we fought and had to write peace treaties along the way (true story). But we encouraged one another towards Christ and fought for our relationships.
However, as we grew up God gave us different gifts and passions. He called us to serve different people, live in different places, and spend our time doing different things.
I didn’t want God to call us to different places and things. But He did.
How I responded to what God was doing in my friendships revealed a big problem in my heart. It revealed that I was trusting in my friends more than God.
My friends had become an idol in my life.
6 Signs Your Friends are an Idol
An idol is anything we put in the place of God. Anything we expect to be and do for us what only Christ can be and do.
Friends are a very good gift from the Lord that I am incredibly grateful for. But they are a very terrible god. I make friends an idol when I expect them to be to me what only God can be, and do for me, what only God can do.
A recent survey of young Christian women found that 88% of us always or sometimes agree that God is not enough to satisfy us. And “the main thing that rivals God for being enough [are] friends. Many believed that they needed their friends more than God. Most acknowledged that if they have a problem or need advice about something, they are more likely to text or call a friend than to talk to God about it.” (Lies Young Women Believe, p. 42)
Can you relate? Here are 6 signs that friends are an idol in your life too:
- You talk through your struggles with your friends before bringing your struggles to God.
- You get angry or frustrated with your friends when they struggle.
- You get bitter and doubt God when your friends fail you.
- You expect your friends to support and encourage you whenever you need it.
- You never have enough friends.
- You feel very insecure in your friendships.
Friends were never meant to do what only God can do
God had to convince me of some hard truths when I realized this was an idol in my life. The main one being, my friends are not meant to do and be what only God can do and be for me.
Our friends might not always be able to be there for us. They will grow up and change and God will give them different gifts and passions and callings than us. They might move, get married, make new friends, start careers and those are all good things.
God is the only one who has promised “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5) Regardless of where we move, what we do in life, how we struggle, God will walk each step with us. Not only will He be there, but He will sustain and support and encourage us.
God is the only one who has promised to never change. He is the same yesterday today and forever. (Hebrews 13:8)
Our friends will not always be able to encourage us. They won’t always understand what we are going through. They will face their own struggles. They will face their own fears and days of confusion.
God is the only one who is a constant strength. He is a helper for the weak, a lifter of our burdens, one who can always sympathize with our weakness.
What to do if friends are an idol
If you know in your heart that your friends are an idol, I just want to encourage you. I know how hard it is to let go of idols. It will hurt. But it is so worth it.
It’s worth it because you will experience greater joy in your relationship with God when He is your only God.
It’s worth it because you will experience greater joy in your relationship with your friends when they are not held to the standard of God but to the grace of the gospel.
If friends are an idol in your heart, here are some practical steps to tearing those idols down and allowing Christ to be enthroned in your life.
First, agree with God that this is an issue in your life. Don’t make excuses. Allow God to convict you and allow your heart to feel the pain of sin.
Confess your sin to God and accept His complete forgiveness. Ask Him for grace to let go of the expectations you’ve placed on your friends. You can’t do this without His grace.
Be patient. God is very patient with you, be patient with yourself also. Diligently seek God and believe that He will help you grow over time.
Replace your dependence on friends with conscious dependence on God. If you usually take your struggles to your friends, start taking them to God in prayer first. If you are waiting for your friends to step out and start a ministry, or talk to someone, stop waiting. Be obedient to follow Christ, trusting that He will be your strength. If you depend on your friends to encourage you, start going to Christ for your encouragement and strength.
What Friends are For
This doesn’t mean we should ditch friendship and despair of it. I believe we should seek to be better friends and have deeper friendships.
Friends are a huge gift from God, given to show us His character and love. They are given to encourage us in our faith and support us as we live the Christian life.
But friends can never do this perfectly. Only Christ has done this perfectly.
We must seek to love our friends even better by letting go of our expectations for them and the pressure we place on them to be what they can’t be. We must gladly love them with grace and freedom, allowing them to struggle and fail because we know God will never fail us or them.
Instead of looking to friends to meet our needs, we must look to Jesus.
This spoke to my heart. Thank you ❤
I’m so glad to hear that Essie! ❤