Does God Want Me Single and Alone?

 

“I’ve cried and prayed but nothing is happening. Maybe God wants me to be single and alone.”

My heart broke as I read her words. Words of a girl who pleaded with God for a boy but nothing seemed to “work out.” Words of a girl who now wonders if God wants her to stay single and alone for life. 

I wanted to reach through my computer screen, hug this girl and tell her, “God see your tears and cares more deeply about your love life than you do. He does not want you to be miserable and alone your whole life.”

Unfortunately, I couldn’t send virtual hugs to that girl. So instead I’m sending them to you, along with some encouragement. Because I know that many of us have wrestled with this same question. 

Does God really want me single and alone?

 

Does God want me single?

Let’s start with the first half of that question – does God want me to stay single? 

Wouldn’t you just love it if God would show you a little glimpse into your future? Wouldn’t it make waiting so much easier if you could see the cute guy He has picked out for you 5 years down the road? Wouldn’t it be helpful to know if there is no guy, even 50 years down the road, so that you could stop worrying about boys and start investing into other things?

I’ve often told God that I wish He would just tell me if He wants me single or married. But God doesn’t usually do that.

Instead, He asks us to trust Him. And while we’re trusting, He asks us to stop worrying about the guys and start actually investing ourselves into other things in life. 

I can’t tell you if God wants you to be single for the rest of your life or not. But I can tell you, that if you are single right now, this is God’s good and perfect will for you today. 

Our job is not to worry about the future. It’s for us be faithful in the present and to trust God for the future. (Matthew 6:33-34)

For some of us, God’s will is life-long singleness. For most of us, God’s will is marriage. For all of us, God’s will includes at least a season of singleness. And if you’re currently single, God’s will for you right now is singleness.

 

Does God want me alone?

Here is where so many single girls fall for a lie. They conclude that if God wants them single, He wants them alone – which couldn’t be farther from the truth. 

This is why my heart broke for the girl who wrote that poem. 

Even if you are called to life-long singleness, you are not called to life-long aloneness. Your desire for companionship and love is a desire that God has placed into every single human heart. Even kids, before they have any romantic interests, have a desire for human love. It’s the way God created us. 

“And the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’” (Genesis 2:18) God Himself declared that it isn’t good for people to be alone. And God Himself decided to do something about it. 

Many people use Genesis 2:18 to suggest that singleness isn’t good. But God never said, “It is not good for man to be single.” He said it isn’t good for man to be alone. 

Adam was the only human being in the entire universe. This was not good. He needed human love and companionship. 

So God created Eve – who also happened to become Adam’s wife. 

If you are single, you are called to singleness today. But if you are alone, God wants to bring you into a community. 

If you feel alone because you don’t have a boyfriend, I want to encourage you to surround yourself with people. This has been one of the most important things for me as a single girl. 

I need people who love me and tell me that they love me. I need people who I can love. I need people who will go for coffee with me and do fun things with me. I need people who I can buy gifts for and talk to about everything that’s going on in my life. 

God has created us to need deep relationships. And if you feel alone, I want to encourage you to look around at the people God has already placed in your life. 

The people who fill this role for me right now are first my parents and siblings and then my amazing church family and friends. 

Do you have parents and siblings who love you? Start allowing them to love you. Start spending time with them. Start taking an interest in their lives. 

Even if you don’t have a family who loves you, do you have a church? Get involved in a small group, or Bible study, or see if there is a ministry you can help out with. The church is God’s family, and one of God’s primary means of providing love and companionship for His people – especially those who don’t have a biological family who loves them.

And if you still feel like you have no one, pray. God may not want you to have a boyfriend, but He does want you to have love. 

 

Singleness may be God’s best for you today. But that doesn’t mean God’s best for you is loneliness. It’s possible to be alone, yet not alone. 

It doesn’t mean you are called to waiting, or second rate happiness, or discontentment. It means you are called to trust God, enjoy Him, and find your satisfaction and fulfillment in Jesus Christ.

 

For more on how to stay content and enjoy each day of your singleness click here.

And for more on how to enjoy February as a single girl click here.